Tormented
by mingathur
Summary: How Kanda and Tiedoll first met, how soba, Lenalee and master came together...
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Tormented

_His body was damaged almost beyond repair, and he drifted in the space between consciousness and eternal slumber. Yet he could not remember why. He was cold, and alone. _

_As the fang was yanked out of his body in one swift and bloody stroke, air rushed into his body cavity, searing the surface like a liquid fire. Someone scream. It was a terrible sound, and it sounded more animal than human. It was the most primal expression of pain._

_Then he realized it was his own voice. _

_Kanda lost the battle to stay awake, and slipped into oblivion. Memories floated past in his mind as he sank deeper and deeper into the realm of death and despair…_

_oooo_

_When Kanda first arrived at the HQ…he knew it was a heartless place._

He would always remember his first time at the headquarters. Malcolm Leverrier's steely, cold voice came through the door. "Come in."

Kanda could feel Old man Zhu's hand tighten on his shoulder, and together they walked into the middle of the meeting room. It was dark... he could make out five occupants. They were wearing black, and were one with the darkness.

"Zhu, you may leave." Leverrier said coolly, his dismissal was absolute. "Leave the child here." Zhu gave a glare of defiance, then squeezed Kanda's shoulder before turning and leaving.

Kanda was left alone.

He could feel their scrutiny, the five people appraised him from top to toe, and Kanda felt as if he was being peeled. There was just silence. The man wearing a mask–General Winters- cursed, then gave a maniacal laugh that filled the whole room.

"You stand before the Generals." Leverrier hissed at Kanda. "Do not speak unless you are spoken to."

Kanda nodded and noticed that the lacey man in the corner had gone starry-eye while staring at him.

"Ladies, gentlemen, this is Kanda Yuu. Japanese."

"Yuu…What a pretty name." the lacey man commented, a dreamy look on his face. "You'll be a beautiful woman in ten years."

The woman- General Cloud Nyne- asked uncertainly, "…How old is she? Seven?"

"Ten years old." Leverrier replied, trying to hide his laughter, consulting his clipboard. "And if I may correct you, general Cloud. It's a he."

"He?" The general with frilly clothes-Cross Marian –questioned with wide eyes, he almost fell off his chair. "Aw, what a pity…"

"Innocence type?"

"Equipment-type. Sword form, it was procured by Teacher Zhu, he named it 'Mugen'." Leverrier replied as he passed Kanda's sword to General Cloud, who was the closest to him. They took turns to examine the innocence.

"What the hell." Cross scorned, and put both his legs on the table. "Who cares about all that when he's so puny. We are an Order, not an orphanage."

"I agree with Cross for once." The guy in a colourful apron-Fior Tiedoll- said, "He's too young to be trained."

The man who laughed in the beginning observed, "He's only as tall as his sword." then continued laughing. "Come on kid, you can cry. Papa and mama will come and save you!"

"Oh, shut it." Cloud snapped, "You're talking to yourself."

"Generals, he will be trained. This is a direct order by the Pope."

"The Pope?!" Cross was outraged, "That old man must be senile, ordering us to train a useless kid."

"This is indeed as young as any exorcist can get." Cloud commented with a cynical expression. "We don't train those under the age of twelve, it's like baby-sitting."

"Furthermore, it just isn't ethical, look at him, he's still a boy." Tiedoll shook his head, "We shouldn't drag children into the fray."

"Don't look at me. I'll kill him if he asks me for candy." Winters commented off-handedly.

"To hell with the pope." Cross replied smugly.

"Your concerns are most touching. My dear generals." Leverrier replied with a cocky smile, "But this child is special. He will be sent to fight the akuma whether he was trained or not. He was bred to fight. So if indeed no one here wants to train him, we'll just have to send him out on the first mission that departs tomorrow and wait to collect his dead body."

"We cannot do that." Tiedoll said through gritted teeth, "We cannot send the child to die." He looked at Kanda, concern in his eyes.

"Bred, you say? You mean like mutated hamsters? It's the same anyway." The masked man declared, the maniacal smile plastered to his face. "Why not let's just skip the training and do just that."

"You mean kill the kid?" Cloud questioned.

"What's that to you, Cloud?" Cross asked, "One more noisy, sniffling kid dead. Thousands more to kill."

"Silence."

Everyone looked to the man who hasn't spoken since Kanda stepped into the room, he was an old man. Withered and bent, but as he appraised Kanda, his vitality seemed to build and enlarge indefinitely. And Kanda realized that everyone had fallen silent, even the monkey on the woman's shoulder, and all attention fell on the ancient being.

"Our voices matter not. Let's hear the child's say in all these." It was like the decree of a sovereign, for next he turned to address Kanda directly.

"Your name, Yuu is it not? Lift your face." He instructed, "Look at me."

Kanda did as he was told, and gaze straight into the eyes of the final general.

"Good. I see strength, courage, determination…and yet…a haunting. Tell me, little one. What sayeth you about becoming an exorcist. Do you want to fight?"

Kanda nodded. "Hai…Yes, I meant."

"Why?"

"…Boku wa…tsuyoi ni naritai. Kitto…" he caught himself before he continued rattling off in Japanese, aware that the generals did not understand him, he refined his words. "There's something I want to accomplish. And I need to become stronger, I need to fight."

"If you do not see yourself as a child, we will not treat you as a child." General Yeegar pressed, "Are you willing to shed your childhood, are you willing to be slain for our cause? Will you die knowing that you have become a living sacrifice, and has died for the greater good?"

"Yes."

"…He wants to fight!" He repeated Kanda's declaration, appealing to the generals around him as if he was talking to children "Since it is apparent that he wants to be trained, and we are to train him, why not make two wrongs one right? Who can fulfill both the wishes of our Pope, and of this little one here?"

"I'll train him." Tiedoll said. "I'll bring him up."

Oooooo

_As Kanda was walking out of the Order, a sight caused him to instinctively stop and hide. _

_At the entrance of the Order, two finders were standing there. A girl older than he was cried loudly as she ran from her mother and clambered into the arms of his father, the smaller of the two men. _

"_What's the matter?" The father asked as he stroked his daughter's light brown hair lovingly. _

"…_Hurts. Really hurts." The girl whispered as she indicated at a bleeding scratch on her knee, she must have sustained it on the way here. And in Kanda's heart, he scorned the girl for being such a crybaby. _

_The finder however, took one look at it, then with a surprisingly tender expression on his face, placed her on his knee as he started washing and cleaning the wound._

_The other man, the taller one grinned as he told the girl, "Isabel, it's okay. You're a big girl now." _

_At this point Kanda knew he should go away and stop spying on the family, but for some reason he was drawn the scene as butterflies were attracted by nectar. He found that there was something there he wanted, but could not explain what he did not understand. _

_The girl gradually stopped crying as she watched her father worked. And by the time he taped a dressing to her wound, there was a tiny smile on her chubby face._

"_All better." The father declared, as his look in his eyes turned severe. "Daddy has to go back to work now…Don't come here anymore. Do you understand?" _

"_I miss you…daddy." The girl gave her father a big hug, but hopped off all the same. _

"_Daddy will work hard to protect you. So will uncle over here!" The larger man nodded._

"_I know. Bye daddy, bye uncle." She said as she gave each of the man a kiss, "And daddy?"_

"_Yes, my dear?"_

"_I love you!" she gave a beam. Her mother moved forward now and placed her slender hands on the girl's shoulder, with tears glistening in her eyes she whispered. "Bye hubby."_

"_I love you. Both of you…" the father said, tears flowed down his cheeks, and dripped onto the ground. And for some reason, it felt like the end…_

_Kanda looked at the bandages on his slender arms and promised himself that he would use these hands to protect… _

Oooooo

_The boy had just returned from mission, this time; alone. _

_He was in his tattered, woe-be-gone black uniform that looks as if it has been dragged across two continents, and on it -the blood of his enemies; and friends. He was utterly exhausted, and he did not care if he was dragging his feet and sword as he limped across the stone floors of the Order, marking his trail with scarlet. _

_Before he realized it he had walked right into a group of distraught finders-all adults- apparently they were trying to ambush him, for one grabbed his lapels and hoisted him aloof as easily as he would have lifted a kitten. And in his tired state, he recognized the man from before, the taller one, the uncle of the little girl. _

"_Where are the rest?! Where is my brother?"_

_Kanda did not reply, there was a haunted look in his eyes, yet it was not guilt, neither was it fear. Blood dripped steadily onto the ground, slowly gathering to form a puddle of deep red. He gazed back remorselessly at them, the angered finder shook him and questioned, "Spit it out, boy! Where is my brother, where are and the rest of the finders?!"_

"_Dead." The boy recounted emotionlessly. _

_The finder gave a snarl, then threw him to the ground. The others rounded on their friend to stop him, but not before his punches met Kanda's face._

"_You monster!!" The man raved, attempting to shrug off his companions who straddled him, "Why aren't you dead?!" _

_The boy ignored the rest of the rabble; he spat out the blood in his mouth, then shook the dust off himself, and picked himself up and continued limping…_

"_Why didn't you protect them?! You're an exorcist!!"_

_He did not have an answer._

_As he left the scene, the large man started sobbing brokenly into his hands…_

"_I promised Isabel…I promised to protect her father…" _

_oooooooooo_

_Kanda Yuu was a monster._

Monster in the sense that despite chaos ensuing all else around, one can always count on him to return somewhat alive after most of the finders and other exorcist have died.

No one was sure why he did not die, there were some who wished he did. Many were curious, some were resentful that he was often the only survivor of massacres.

He was a mere human child, even as he walks out of the battle scene bloody, his sword carrying the distinct, fetid stench of akuma.

Since the days he began wielding Mugen, he would occasionally return to the order alone; _albeit the coffins that trail in the wake of his heavy footsteps…_

Few people dare to ask, those who did confront him and press the issue were given a stern look from general Tiedoll that declared the conversation finished, or sometimes found three days later tied to a tree in the forest.

The underlying question was always the most desperate and cutting of them all.

'_Why didn't you save them?'_

At first, the ten-year old used to wonder why too. Not the issue of why he did not, but why he could not. He did not wish himself dead, but hoped that more can remain alive with him. But on the other hand, he did not want anyone else to be cursed like him...

General Tiedoll was always watching him, and would then look at him in a maddeningly fatherly manner, place an arm across his thin and small shoulders and whisper in a low voice to his unwilling pupil.

'_Someday you will understand, Yuu chan.'_

And Kanda would send hell insects flying in his master's direction.

He did not hate his teacher. Initially, none of the Generals wanted to train him, saying he's too young and immature. When General Tiedoll had suddenly chosen him as a pupil, he was skeptical. But when his German master took the liberty of calling him by his first name in the most degrading Japanese way possible, Kanda was positively shocked.

'_I told you! You call boys - kun! ~Kan~da~ kun!!'_

'_Well." T_he German man pulled him into a one-armed hug and said smugly, '_I think Yuu-chan sounds nicer.'_

Kanda refused to be found within a ten meter radius of general Tiedoll ever since.

Honestly, he was utterly repulsed whenever General Tiedoll touches him, they were teacher and pupil, nothing more, there was no reason to pretend otherwise. Kanda was convinced that it was either purely out of hypocrisy, or that the general was instructed to keep an eye on his half-akuma pupil; and to destroy him the moment he proved he was not human. His so-called kindness was merely a pathetic, frivolous display of the fact that he had tamed the akuma-child. And it was more often than not, hurting. General Tiedoll did not know of the curse that had befallen Kanda, and Kanda thought that if he knew. He will surely treat Kanda like a monster as well.

_There was nothing more to their relationship then the fact that the order needed an exorcist and the general was needed to keep him in line... _

In his own little world, Kanda was convinced that he was indeed a monster, no one trusted him, but he told himself that it did not matter. It did not matter if his master cared about him, or if the Order believed him.

Rumours began spreading throughout the field.

_That he had sacrificed his comrades to stay alive, that he had turned on his friends and murdered them all. That he is in fact an evil creature in disguise, a spy more vile and powerful than akumas…_

He remained silent even when the misunderstanding blew out of proportions, and hate mail started appearing beneath the door of his room, groups of adults cornered the little exorcist and threatened to kill him if he dares put one toe out of line. There were even times where mourners ran up to him and attempted to strangle him bare-handed.

Komui then issued an announcement to set Komui EX I on anyone who dares harm any of the exorcists. But the hatred did not stop.

Still, it did not matter, he did not have time to indulge in those petty suspicions of those foolish mortals.

_It's only through sacrifices that others may be saved._

He repeated that line and clung on to it as he might a lifeline. It did not matter if no one understands, it did not matter if no one could see things his way…

_It only mattered that they can be saved._

It did not matter.

Or so he thought.

oooooo

On this day, Kanda was confronted with such a decision.

An Akuma army of level ones had launched an attack to the forest near the Black Order in the dead of the night. Rumours were, they were so confidant because there was a level two among them, and that they knew the location of the Order at last…

It was snowing, but the white ground was tainted by deep scarlet. The sky overhead was dark and overcast, as if giving testimony to the events of the night.

Exorcist master and disciple were sent. The enemy lines had advanced all the way to just outside the gates of the black order when the only two exorcists in the castle arrived.

The gate, or rather, the gate guardian was wailing shamelessly.

"No~~ NOO! I dun wanna die~~! Dun Kill me..~~~!"

"Be careful!" Komui shouted over the speakers. "There are alot of them and the level two is hiding somewhere!"

One lone finder was behind them, praying and sobbing. The rest are dead, and their body parts lay scattered and broken on the ground.

_Oh, two black ones to kill, one big one and one little one… how delightful! _The level one closest giggled like a school girl.

"Tch." Was Kanda's reply as he gave the enemy a glare.

"Yuu chan, focus. Synchronize." Tiedoll said in a low voice as he took out his innocence from his pocket , Kanda recognized the tone, he was getting serious. He adjusted his stance accordingly, getting ready for the order, his hand tightened around the mugen.

"Kill."

With that, the little exorcist whipped out his own innocence, and started rampaging past the lines of the level one. In a distance he heard the usual, "Maker of Eden! Art!"

Kanda was young, but his small size made him lightning fast and hard to target. When he was done with the front line he shouted, "Ichigen!!"

"Witness the beauty of this world."

The level ones were all destroyed quite effectively, all thanks to Tiedoll and his mass destruction mechanism. Kanda noted with a pang of sourness that his teacher had killed more than twice the number of akuma as compared to him. And he wondered if he'll ever be as powerful as his master, a general.

_He wondered if his master will ever trust him._

He shook the stray thought away. _It did not matter, he told himself again._

There was a strangled cry, and Kanda looked up in alarm. The final akuma dashed towards Kanda, who had his sword stuck into another. He tried to pull it out, but it was stuck fast. "Tch!"

"Yuu chan!"

The general had leapt forward recklessly right in the path of the akuma attack to defend his pupil. Kanda only widened his eyes in surprise, his heart wrenched painfully with something he was not familiar with.

"Old man!!"

_The rod and cross flew onto the ground._

The akuma wrapped itself around the Tiedoll and bound his movements. Then a countdown appeared on its forehead as it tittered gleefully.

"Big one better than little one!!" and Kanda realized it horror that it is intending to self-destruct and take Tiedoll with it, Kanda ran forward, planning to cut down the final enemy, "Hang in there, old man!"

Then the level two appeared behind the level one.

_Level twos always have some unpredictable special abilities._

Kanda remembered Tiedoll telling him, but found out the hard way. The level two examined the innocence that had fallen with a mix of fear and greed on its unshaped face. Then turned to Kanda as if daring him to move, to pick up the innocence. It snarled, "Little exorcist."

Then the level two fired off several large rounds that looked like skulls, Kanda launched himself forward without thinking, aiming to absorb the attack and then attack the level two with mugen. He could hear Tiedoll yelling.

"Yuu-chan!! Release me, you can't deal with the level two!!"

A shred of rebellion crawled into his heart as he thought.

_Who says I can't?_

"NOOOOO!!! Save me, save me~~~~!!" sobbed the door guardian, copious volumes of tears gushing from its oversized eyes.

"Shut up!" He snapped at the gate guardian instead.

"Yuu chan!!" Tiedoll yelled. "Get out of the way!"

_Kanda could not simply evade the attack, if he did, the attack will hit the gate... _

He raised mugen, and shouted, 'Ichigen!'. A flock of summoned supernatural insect leapt forth. But oddly enough, all the bullets evaded his attack, and it looked as if every one of them was alive and capable of maneuvering themselves independent of the level two.

Komui voice boomed out through the speakers, _"Careful!!"_

_10_

"Tch!" He slashed three rounds in midair, but could not get the rest in time, there were too many and they were too fast. When the rest were near enough something even more terrible happened, the skulls opened and unhinged their jaws; and bit him. All he saw was a horrible flurry of exposed fleshed and sinew, then pain was every where. The skulls had bitten him on his face, his neck and everywhere else, and others latched onto his innocence, and no matter how hard he waved his sword, the heads would not let go even as he watched the innocence infiltrated and burnt into the akuma skull tissue. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that the finder who had been bitten as well seemed to be swallowed by a swarm of piranhas, his body went rigid, then cracked and shattered like ice…

_9_

"_Kanda kun!" _Komui shouted.

With a snap, he felt teeth sink into the artery on the right side of his throat, drawing blood. He had a distinct feeling the creature was now trying to crush his neck bone. He cursed, and felt as blood drained into his damaged windpipe, and air seared passed the wound as he attempted to draw shaky breaths. He could not pry it off with his free hand. Then it was followed closely by another bout of pain, and pure agony engulfed him as jaws crushed his left temple, taking with it his eyeball.

He screamed, and nearly collapsed, he was semi-blinded, and bleeding generously. Breathing was difficult, and there were still skulls trying to tear chunks of flesh out of his legs and waist.

So he did the next logical thing, he stood up, and launched himself toward the level two with a battle cry…

_8_

He was slowed by the additional weight and wounds he sustained, but still fast enough to take the level two by surprise. By the time it realized he had attacked, Kanda was right in front of it. He brought his blade down in one smooth motion.

_7_

Normally mugen might not have enough power to cut through, but now he was using the akuma's own against it. Due to additional weight and mass of his weapon, the cuts he made were jagged and large and he used it to clobber the enemy into submission. The terrible skulls that clung to him insistently either released his weapon or be crushed, and he took chance to back off slightly to cut off the rest that were still persistently clamping onto his flesh.

_Oh joy, he was bleeding._

_6_

"Yuu chan!" Tiedoll yelled struggled even more and stretched out a hand, as if reaching for Kanda, he cast a baleful glance at the level one that was holding him captive. The level two was mutating as if planning to unleash another attack, twisting and writhing in a manner that caused Kanda to be nauseated as blood and other vile fluids spilled, until it formed a terrible face.

_5 _

With one eye gone, Kanda could not tell how far and how fast it was. By the time he realized, he had been attacked and bitten on the forearm by the now skull-shaped level two. Almost instantly, his bones cracked and broke under the pressure that a child's bones were never meant to withstand…

_4 _

Pain coursed through his body, Kanda gave a yell, then slashed the face in half, but he was sure it was not over...

"Let me go!!" general Tiedoll hollered, anger evident in his usually calm demeanor.

The level two hung on to Kanda's arm and swung him around like a rag doll. In his half-conscious state, he knew what to do, but he needed the means to execute it. His healing could not catch up to the damages he had sustained, but Tiedoll can still fight if he had his innocence…

_3_

"Old man…!"

The akuma had released Kanda, and tossed him roughly towards where the level one was. Finally, some luck, some carelessness, whichever the case Kanda knew it was his final chance to turn the tides.

_His hand enclosed around his teacher's innocence… _

The level two transformed again, this time into something that resembled a sea urchin, it targeted Tiedoll and fired.

"_NO!"_

_2_

"Old man!!" Kanda threw himself forward, it was hurting every where, and he knew he was losing consciousness. He was wounded too badly and could not really see, but he managed to press the innocence into his master's hand before something sharp stabbed into him from behind, then everything went black.

_1_

After that, Kanda could not remember. He only recalled a whole lot of pain, and noise, and the icy feeling slowly seeping into his body.

_He was just so cold… _

He was sure he would die- or rather- die again that night.

_It doesn't matter……_

_He could hear people shouting his name, a mix of Yuus and Kandas…and he wanted to snap at them to make them shut up. But he found that he could not move, and worst, he could not breathe…_

"_Yuu chan!"_

_Master…? _He wanted to reply, he really did, but he just couldn't.

"Boy?"

He opened his right eye blearily, but the image did not seem to focus. There was a whitish crowd around him. Those faces was reddish and blurred, and seemed to be swimming. He was no longer outdoors, but in a place that is much brighter and less drafty.

_His master was nowhere to be found, and Kanda knew he shouldn't be surprised; he had been incapacitated in battle, there was no reason for his master to hang around a useless apprentice. Though for some strange and illogical reason, he did hope to see his master near him... _

Something else caught his attention. There was a terrible, bloodied spike that stuck out from his collarbone, and had apparently passed all the way through the right side of his chest.

He attempted to curse, and the result was a bout of hot ferrous liquid that rode up the back of his throat and he coughed and gagged, causing blood to splatter over the pillow. Pain erupted from all over, he no longer knew where. He writhed in agony. He wanted to scream, but was denied the power to do so, the sensation was excruciating. And he prayed to die, but knew that he was also denied that last mercy. There will always be pain.

"Try to stay awake!" the head nurse yelled as she held Kanda's shoulder, Kanda did not really want to, but somehow he knew he should try. He nodded feebly, then made a strangled and choked sound, he realized he could not speak.

"I'm going to try to pull the akuma fang out! It'll hurt, but bear with it. Do you understand?" She said as she pulled on thick gloves.

Kanda consented with his eyes.

"Wait." one of the nurses spoke, her voice was shaky as she knew her speech was rather out of place. "Shouldn't…shouldn't we ask General Tiedoll to come first?" She took a look at Kanda, pity plain in her gaze.

_And with every fiber of his being, Kanda wished her dead._

"…The child might not make it…" She whispered.

"Hush, Jessica!" The head nurse retorted, she turned to Kanda now, her voice and eyes reassuring. "We can't wait anymore…Relax."

They gave him something soft to bit down onto, and with that he closed his remaining eye.

Many, many pairs of hands held him down, and he braced himself by burrowing himself deeper in the comforters; desperately hoping to be detached from the pain.

Someone gripped the exposed part of the fang on his back, and he could feel that person tense, holding her breath as waves of pain radiated though his body from the one contact. "Okay."

_He bit down hard._

"Yuu chan!"

…_Master?_

_As the fang was yanked out of his body in one swift and bloody stroke, air rushed into his body cavity, searing the surface like a liquid fire. Someone scream. It was a terrible sound, and it sounded more animal than human. It was the most primal expression of pain._

_Then he realized it was his own voice. _

_Kanda lost the battle to stay awake, and slipped into oblivion._

Oooooo

Hi, I am Mingathur.

Hope you guys like this chapter, its about death. I wanted to bring across the fact that it is not fair to make someone die over and over, death in itself is nothing, it's the moments before dying that's painful. And its painful for those around…(That's wht Tiedoll is quite important, he'll appear more in next chapter.)

There's probably no use pondering over what's going to happen in chapter 192 of the manga, but some things are interesting at the moment. (Beware-spoilers ahead if you have not read 191.)

1)Kanda was awakened in a test tube when he was nine (or nine-year-old-looking), so where did he learn to read, write and speak? Or does he effectively have the intellect of a baby? _"Mothers? What are those?" _Honestly speaking I thought it was a cute question. Lolz.

2)From the start, Hoshino san said he's Japanese. Does it mean he was cloned from another exorcist who had wielded mugen and is Japanese and subsequently cursed?

So many questions. Love D-gray man.

By the way, this will be a short story, maybe a few chapters. Hope you guys like it.

Till chapter next!

Ming


	2. Chapter 2: Redeemed

Chapter 2: Redeemed

Froi Tiedoll stared at the charred remnants of the akuma for a while, ascertaining he had destroyed them mercilessly and completely before turning his attention back to the boy in his arms.

Kanda was not moving.

"General?" Komui questioned through the speakers, his tone hushed, as if he already guessed what had happened to the little one.

Tiedoll squat down to better examine the boy's bloodied body, and he realized he did not know where to start. The child was bleeding profusely, his blood staining the snow an angry crimson; forming a sinister sort of snow angel where he lay suspended in Tiedoll's lap. His ruined neck and face displayed numerous teeth marks and chunks of flesh had been forcibly removed. His small, broken-off right arm lay lifeless beside him; and his hand was still clutching the deactivated Mugen.

Tiedoll placed a shaky hand near his face, the boy was still breathing, but barely; each stolen, vapoury breath was so choked and small that Tiedoll could only imagine what damage had been done to his lungs. A trail of scarlet was streaming down his nose and the side of his mouth. Pain marred his usually smooth features…

_At that moment the boy had leapt forward to act as a human shield for his equipment-type master. The level 2 had fired off rounds that resembled fangs, and one would have successfully skewered Tiedoll several times over had Kanda not intervened; and was the one being impaled instead…there was no way Kanda could survive. One fang speared through and protruded from Kanda's right chest now, bloody and invasive. The boy was either dead or dying… and some part of Tiedoll hoped it was the latter, the child should not have to suffer… _

"Yuu chan?"

There was no response; no shrill voice of a hopping mad ten-year-old yelling at him to get it right, the boy could not talk anymore.

He felt his heart give a wrench. There were no sounds apart from the little, terribly helpless breaths that the child drew, and the chilly draft that blew past, carrying the stench of the battle.

"Silly boy!"

He reached out to sweep the snow off the child's face, the perspiration that dotted his forehead and temple had turned to frost. His pale skin was frighteningly cold and clammy and his chapped lips were turning blue.

Tiedoll mustered the courage to wrap around the boy, and gather him protectively in his arms.

"Komui!" He yelled at the communicator, "Get help!"

He pressed squares of fabric over the wounds he could see, attempting to stem the bleeding somehow. Blood continued to drip off the wounds from his ravaged body, drabs of crimson smeared onto Tiedoll's uniform.

"Gate- keeper, open up!"

"Of course…of course!" The gatekeeper stammered as he opened the doors, he had begun crying again.

Medics ran out toward the general and his fallen apprentice, the head nurse was the first to meet them, with woolen blankets in her arms; she draped one over Tiedoll, then turned to examine the young one. It did not take trained eyes to see that there was nothing they could do. And even if he did live by some miracle, he can never wield the innocence again without his sword arm. And generally, the Order will not attempt to provide aid to those who had no value…

Tears were gleaming faintly as she softly whispered words that Tiedoll did not want to hear.

"…He's not going to make it."

_No._

Tiedoll felt something in him snap, he picked up his disciple and his innocence, and ran. He dashed past the gates of the Order, and did not stop and look back…

Kanda was still alive, though barely, and would not be for long if nothing was done. He lay quite still, dwarfed beneath the weight of the woolen blanket. His body rocked and creaked dangerously as broken bones grind against open flesh, like a broken rag doll. He ground his teeth, moaned, and brought up blood, those were his protests at being moved when he was grievously wounded.

_No!_

Many people's faces flashed past, Komui, Reever, Jeryy and a bunch of guys from the science department, they pushed to the front, no doubt to find out if the child is indeed immortal like the rumours described. Some were disappointed to find him lying inert in Tiedoll's arms and bleeding copiously; leaving a gory, bloody trail. Someone had the guts to whisper from behind Reever in a cynical tone at one point. "Is he dead?"

In an instant that man was punched and shoved onto the ground, bleeding from his nose.

"How dare you?" Reever snarled, "Son of a bitch, we allowed a child to die defending the Order! Is that bloody all you can say?"

"He may be feeling guilty for killing so many of the finders…" The punched man reasoned weakly.

"Shuddap!"

"I'm telling you, the kid's not human."

"Damn it! He has more guts than any of you idiots!..." Reever snapped back.

_Tiedoll's did not care._

_Yuu, don't die!_

Their voices faded as Teidoll ran past them. The argument was lost to him. He panted, and he was glad Kanda could not hear anymore; those words will only make the little one sad.

The head nurse caught up and pushed through the crowd ahead of Teidoll, shoving her way past and snapping at everyone for blocking the way. People left because she was scary, Tiedoll was grateful to find a comrade, someone who also did not want to leave the boy to die…

"General Tiedoll." The head nurse led him urgently into a white room, and indicated a bed overlaid by many layers of soft, off-white absorbent material. "Here!"

Tiedoll laid him down as gently as he could, the boy sank into the comforters, his blood immediately started blossoming across the towels.

"General, please go get your arm treated." A doctor said as the nurses started pulling shut the curtains, "Leave the boy to us."

"Can you save Yuu chan?" Teidoll demanded, desperation creeping into his voice as two nurses started to lead him away. They had started cutting and stripping off Kanda's tattered black uniform.  
"I don't know… but we'll do our best."

Tiedoll was dragged off to an adjacent room, his mind reeling as he obediently handed over his arm for the nurse to wash and clean; the faster she can complete it, the faster Tiedoll can return to Kanda.

It was truly the first time Tiedoll had experienced panic.

He realized he was still holding Mugen in his hands, dried blood dotted its hilt, and the gleam on the blade was faint and dull; as if it sensed that its owner was dying. It is said that when their owners die, the innocence will revert to its natural crystal form and lie in wait for its next owner, the next person who could synchronize with it. And for a moment, Tiedoll felt a wave of repulse as he held the weapon. Essentially, the innocence was a heartless, unfeeling piece of metal that did not care if it was the little boy wielding the sword But Tiedoll _felt_, and was utterly heart-broken for his painfully young apprentice.

Kanda was young, but extremely talented in the dueling arts. Then, Tiedoll objected to him being trained at all then.

_Children should not be dragged into a war so terrible. _

But when the higher ups insisted that the child was special, and was to become exorcist apprentice by hook or by crook; Tiedoll took him under his wing. And Tiedoll loved Kanda as he would a boy; a son.

He was everything a master would have wanted, he was talented, focused, reliable, willing to work hard and of all things, obedient. When Tiedoll tells him to do an exercise which rationale he did not understand, he will widen his eyes and look at Tiedoll as if he just spouted broken Japanese. Then proceed to do it anyway in silent stealth. He was the perfect student, but desperately lacking in the ability to communicate.

_The child does not talk to anyone about his hardships, he does not recount of how dying finders and exorcists alike grabbed on to his ankles and begged him to avenge them. _

_There were nights when he woke up crying and screaming his comrade's names. Tiedoll knew, but did not pursue the issue when Kanda was apparently unwilling to discuss it. Kanda was still painfully young, and has never seen this much death, gore and bloodshed. _Kanda did not understand love, and did not deem it important to do so, he did not perceive it imperative to understand what he saw as weakness. He was too caught up in his determination to become the ultimate anti-akuma weapon and chose to forgo all else in the process, including _living_. He saw his own existence as a cosmic mistake, and it just happened that the Order had need of his abilities. The Order exploited that, they trained him earlier and worked him harder than any other. And Kanda played right into their hands in the belief that he had to work hard to earn his keep.

_He does not understand that he does not have to do anything for people to love him…_

_The human child was the one who had refused to evade to save himself, who had leapt forward and took the deathblow that was meant for his master…_

"_Master."_

Tiedoll looked up, startled that the voice seemed to radiate from the sword in his hands, it seemed to glow a little more, he wondered if he had imagined his apprentice's voice. The boy never addressed him as 'Master', it was always, 'Old man', or 'Sensei' when he unconsciously reverts back to his native language; sometimes a curt 'Oi' would suffice as well. But the unsettling feeling rose in his heart, it swelled and magnified.

Tiedoll whipped his hand out of the nurse's grasp just as she tied the finishing knot and ran as fast as his legs could carry him. He shoved open the door, and the ring of people were still there. The moment seemed tensed, and Tiedoll realized that nearly everyone was holding their breaths.

Then all he heard was a blood-curdling scream that told of unbearable pain...

_Silence _

He thought his heart would stop.

"_Yuu chan?"_

_Five days after Kanda had been assaulted by a bunch of finders who did not know better, Tiedoll finally found him. He was in Tiedoll's art studio, conscious. Ugly blue-blacks marked his face, neck and thin arms. Someone had supplied him with a fresh set of clothing, bandages and new dressings were visible along his arms and ankles where his clothing did not cover. He did nothing to acknowledge Tiedoll's presence, and just gazed afar off, out of the window where sunlight was merrily pouring in; and Tiedoll thought he saw yearning in those eyes. It was quite a contrast. _

_Beyond the window was a garden, littered with pockets of flowers that were in every shade imaginable. Tiedoll loved the place because he could imagine children like Kanda running free in those grounds, healthy, laughing, destroying the place; not wounded and immobile and with the weight of the world on his small shoulders. He probably became the target for the adults to vent their anger on. _

_Wordlessly, he sat down on a stool beside Kanda. Setting the tray of food beside on the table. _

"_Yuu chan. You should eat." He began. _

_Silence prevailed. _

"_Stop it…"_

_Tiedoll could not believe what he heard, so he asked, "What did you say?"_

_The boy's brow furrowed, though his gaze was unfocused, "…I said 'stop it'…" _

"_Stop what?"_

_Kanda shot him a look of disgust, as if berating Tiedoll for making him repeat himself so many times._

"_Stop calling me…" He coughed twice, and curled in upon himself as he clutched his chest. "…'Yuu chan'."_

_After a moment of consideration, as the odd request sank in, he replied in a low voice. "I may not always have the chance to do it..." Tiedoll had a half-smile on his face. _

_This was how much his apprentice hated the address after all. He bit his lip and requested quietly. "Let me call you that a few more times now."_

"_Stupid old man…" Kanda was apparently attempting to snap, though the effect was much less in his weakened and diminished state, his blood ebbed and flowed, staining through the virgin white of the bandages. Kanda seemed oblivious to it, but Tiedoll looked away, choosing to focus on the child's face instead; he could hardly get a grip on himself otherwise. _

_He knew what happened with the team who were sent out with Kanda on the last mission. And Kanda blamed himself for being alive when everyone else is dead. If he was talks little before, he was now almost mute. He refused to eat, he refused to take medication, and he avoided anyone who knew him. He was becoming a hollow shell. It was heart-wrenching to see the child like that, broken, hurt, but unable and unwilling to express how much. _

_And if this goes on, the child would not have long. _

_There was always another way to do it, which is to tie him up and force-feed him like a goose meant for extracting foie gras; but Tiedoll is trying to prevent the higher ups-who are concerned about an exorcist trying to kill himself by denying any form of nourishment- from doing that. _

_He wanted to allow Kanda to keep at least his dignity if not his sanity… _

_Tears had gathered unknowingly. _

"_Don't cry…" Kanda whispered, in a much softer voice. It was a less of an absolute command, more of a heartfelt plea this time. _

_Tiedoll blinked, he was alarmed, he had never thought he will hear Kanda speak in this manner. The kid was always energetic, he was usually snapping, snarling, threatening, sometimes yelling and screaming, but never, never, never gentle with his words. Yet now… _

"_I can't." Tiedoll confessed as he wiped roughly at his tears, "Not when you're like this…"_

_The child shook his head, a cruel sneer forming on his face. "If I die, go look for another kid to train… So shut up." _

_With that, the truth became concrete, as if hearing someone speak of it the truth became fact. Tiedoll started crying in earnest._

"_Old man…?" Kanda asked, alarmed. He reached out his unbroken hand, and clutched bodily at Tiedoll's shirt, "…Stop it…It's disgusting."_

_Large, warm hands gripped the smaller one, and gently eased it off his tunic. _

"_I don't want Yuu chan to die." He moaned truthfully, the child glared at him, pain and confusion evident in his expression. "I don't want to go train another kid, I want you to live…" _

_As the war escalated, the adults were growing desperate, and had unfairly placed too much expectation on thin shoulders of the boy. Kanda deals with the pressure in the only way he knew how to, he took the hardships in its strides, and it is to kill more akuma. Slowly, his talents became his poison. Through the days Tiedoll knew him, he never once smiled. He never seems to think of himself as human, he never stopped to think what is it he wants in life; what to do with himself after the holy war._

_In a way he was killing himself, diminishing his own hopes, wants and desires to allow himself to be molded into the perfect soldier. _

_In a way, he was allowing Kanda Yuu to disappear, he was sacrificing himself… _

_And Tiedoll loved Kanda all the more. Even though he kills like a monster, there was a human child buried deep beneath all that discipline, talent, hatred, fear and bitterness. The human child could taste fear and sadness, he understood joy and sacrifice. _

_In his own little, unknowing ways, he had made his master proud of him and terribly sad all at the same time. _

_The human child was dying…_

"_Don't die…please." Tiedoll found himself asking, he knew it was an unreasonable demand. Kanda looked at him steadily. _

_Tiedoll gripped Kanda's small hand harder, as if by holding on to him he could prevent the boy from slipping away. _

"…_I won't die…"_

"_Huh…?"_

"_If I don't die…" the human child questioned, looking into Tiedoll's eyes, "…Will you stop crying?"_

_Tiedoll nodded. He knew it was an empty promise. But the child nodded in turn, looking pleased with the compromise. Then turned to gaze at the noodles on the tray._

"_What are those?"_

"_Soba." Tiedoll could not believe his ears. Kanda was asking about food. "Jeryy said since you are from Japan and all Japanese loves soba, he asked me to take it to you. It's not sweet." He added quickly as he saw Kanda eyeing the brown sauce that resembled gasless cola. He placed the tray in front of his disciple. "Hmm, Jeryy says to dip the noodles in the sauce, not pour the sauce onto the noodles."_

_The boy nodded emotionlessly._

_His heart leapt in elation as he watched Kanda slowly reached out his unbroken hand, and took hold of the chopsticks; he could tell that Kanda liked those, even though he himself always had trouble with chopsticks. It seemed like an eternity as Kanda picked up a couple of strands delicately with chopstick-wielding skills that he can never hope to surpass in his lifetime; and dipped it gingerly in the brown sauce. And just as he thought the child will start eating at last, Kanda surprised him by lifting the noodles to his face. _

"_Eat," The child commanded, "tell me if it's sweet."_

_Tiedoll obeyed, if that was what it took for Kanda to eat. When he had chewed and swallowed, he said, "Mildly salted, not sweet. Quite good, I think you'll like it."_

_Kanda gazed at him, doubt apparent in his eyes. Then tried some himself, and Tiedoll could tell that he liked it. For there was a child-like twinkle in his eyes the moment he bite down on those noodles. _

"_How is it?" Tiedoll asked his disciple, whose expression looked like a little boy once more. _

"_Delicious."_

_And miraculously, Kanda smiled, actually smiled. He looked like the human child he was supposed to be. And there and then, master and disciple bonded over a promise and a tray of soba... _

"General." The medical team backed off, letting Tiedoll through. Despair clawed mercilessly at his insides, he felt a bitter taste in his mouth.

The boy just lay there. Pain has completely disappeared from his face; his features had once again smoothened out, and were sweet and child-like. He was paler than usual, but other than that, no one could tell if the child was sleeping; or otherwise.

"Yuu…chan." The child's name rolled off his tongue, and for some reason, it felt empty. It was as if the name had lost its meaning now that the owner of the name can no longer respond to it.

Mechanically, he moved to sit close to the boy on the bed, and laid his hand over his forehead. The boy's flesh was still warm and soft from the short time he had been alive, his eyes were closed. Tiedoll allowed his fingers to comb through the soft, shiny strands of black hair, some strands were matted with blood, but still beautiful. While Tiedoll knew his own hair was a hopeless mop that stayed insistently beyond redemption, Yuu's has healthy, gorgeous dark hair that is an object of envy, and served as lunch time banter topic for the whole order since day one.

_Kanda Yuu is dead._

"Yuu…"

There was no response.

Unbidden, tears began to roll down his face as a harsh sob of anguish escaped from the depths of his throat. Before, he had stopped himself from crying because he had made his apprentice a promise. Before, he knew he would only make the child afraid if the little one heard him weeping…

"_If I don't die… Will you stop crying?"_

"You promised…" Tiedoll half-yelled, "…you promised not to die…!"

The boy did nothing to acknowledge his statement. He could no longer do it.

He touched the boy's forehead, and whispered a final blessing.

Then he collected the boy's body into his arms and wept.

He did not know how long he cried for, only that his tears were falling onto Kanda's face, and at times it looked as if the boy had been crying as well before he died. It were as if by holding onto the boy's cold body, he could impart some measure of warmth and bring the boy back to life…

The medical team left him to be, only the head nurse came forward and whispered, "I'm sorry. We just…couldn't save him…."

Tiedoll only shook his head, he knew it was not their fault; Kanda's was clearly beyond saving at that point, it was his fault for daring to hope.

"I'm so sorry." She said again, with finality. She was clearly grieved by the death of the child, and for some reason, Tiedoll found some measure of comfort in that. Some say that the measure of ones value, is by the tears shed over him.

A breath stirred Tiedoll's fringe, and it took him by surprise. His eyes snapped open.

A miracle was happening right in front of his eyes.

The boy sputtered, then took a breath and started coughing in earnest.

"Kanda?" Tiedoll exclaimed, "Kanda!" The head nurse converged in upon the master and disciple one again.

"Oh my! Jessica! Come here, call the doctor back! The boy lives!"

Kanda curled up in Tiedoll's arms, shivering from pain and abuse to his wounded lungs. "Le…." He rasped, droplets of blood followed his speech.

"What?" Tiedoll demanded as he shook Kanda's frame, he needed to hear the boy snap at him to make things feel real, _Kanda is alive!_

"Let…go…!" He snapped weakly as he pushed against Tiedoll's chest, his bloodied hands staining his master's uniform uncaringly. "It hurts…"

"General, we need you to go out first..." The head nurse was smiling as she tugged at Tiedoll's sleeve, all the while muttering. "A miracle, a real miracle!"

"Sor…sorry." He muttered to the boy as he replaced his tiny frame onto the bed, euphoria still at work, he resisted the urge to throw his arms around the boy to embrace him.

The boy tried to sit up unsteadily, then gave up and laid still. He hooked strands of matted hair behind his ear to throw a poisonous glare at his master.

"Were you…crying…?"

Tiedoll was taken by surprise. He wiped roughly at his face as he lied, "No…"

"Disgusting…" Kanda snapped feebly, apparently fighting sleep.

Then the boy raised a hand weakly, and poked awkwardly at his master's face, smudging away the tear stains. Tiedoll was rendered speechless at the gesture.

"I said I won't die…" The boy whispered as he close his eyes, he was renewing his promise. His hand began to fall then, but Tiedoll caught it in midair.

"I know…I know…!" Tiedoll began to cry anew. "I'll stop…promise."

"Liar…" Kanda accused softly, not opening his eyes at all.

"I'll make up for it." He assured as he had to let go.

Kanda lips curled…

"…I want soba…"

And at the door, Tiedoll smiled through his tears as he replied the now nearly unconscious boy.

"I'll ask Jeryy to cook it. As much as you can eat…"

_Don't die..._

End

Author's note: I fell in love with Chaa Soba because of DGM.

Lolz. So for my birthday today, my mother treated me to one of the best sobas in my life, lightly salted, fragrant, sweet after-taste and bouncy noodles. Love it!

Try it some time.

I always believed that one person's love is enough to redeem another, condemnation is never complete, so long as one still dares to hope.

Hope you guys like this story, I'll go brew on whether to write the first meetings between Lenalee and Kanda as well.

Thank you for your support!

Yours

Ming


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